Smart Ass Answers

These are great. Something that I would most likely say and do, and get me in a lot of trouble but hey that's me and that's life! LOL!

TOP 5 SMART ASS ANSWERS FOR 2005 ...according to Reader's Digest:

Smart Ass Answer #5:
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check
tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket,
instead he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a
beat....she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub."

Smart Ass Answer #4:
A lady was shopping for a turkey at the grocery store, but she
couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy,
"Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied," No ma'am
they're dead

Smart Ass Answer #3:
The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for
speeding rolled down his windo w. "I've been waiting for you all day,"
the cop said. The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I
could." When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his
way without a ticket.

Smart Ass Answer #2:
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up
that reads, "Low Bridge Ahead." Before he knows it, the bridge is
right Ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed
up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his
car and walks up to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and
says, "Got stuck, huh?" The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering
this bridge and ran out of gas."

AND NOW........
FOR THE..........BEST ONE..
#1 SMART ASS ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2005
A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam.
"Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here
tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal
injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it,
no other excuses whatsoever!"
A smart ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and
asked, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from
complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class is reduced to
laughter and snickering. When silence is finally restored, the teacher
smiles knowingly at the student, shakes her head and sweetly says
"Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand.