TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS ~ WOMAN'S VIEW

Men, take note: If it weren't for us woman there be no Christmas or any other special occasions.


T'was the night before Christmas and all through the kitchen;
I was cooking, baking,moaning and complaining.
I've been here for hours; I can't stop to rest.
This rooms a disaster, just look at this mess!

Tomorrow I've got thirty people to feed.
They expect all the trimmings. Who cares what I need!
My feet are both blistered; I've got cramps in my legs.
The cat just knocked over a bowl full of eggs.

There's a knock at the door and the telephones ringing
Frosting drips on the counter as the microwaves dinging.
Two pies in the oven, desserts almost done;
My cookbook is soiled with butter and crumbs.

I've had all I can stand, I can't take anymore;
Then in walks my husband, spilling rum on the floor.
He weaves and he wobbles, his balance unsteady;
Then grins as he chuckles "The eggnog is ready!"
He looks all around and with total regret,

Says "What's taking so long, aren't you through in here yet?"
As quick as a flash I snapped;
Yelling and screaming; so angry that words can't describe!
He flees from the room in fear of what might come out of my mouth next!

And screams "MY GOD WOMAN, YOU'RE GOING INSANE!!"

Now what was I doing, and what is that smell?
Oh darn, it's the pies!! They're all burned when I was busy giving him a good yell!
I hate to admit when I make a mistake,
But I put them on BROIL instead of on BAKE.
What else can go wrong? Is there still more ahead??

If this is good living, I'd rather do without.
Lord, don't get me wrong; I love holidays;
It just leaves me exhausted, all shaky and dazed.
But I promise you one thing, if I live till next year,
You won't find me pulling my hair out in here.
I'll hire a maid, a cook, and a waiter;
And if that doesn't work,

I'LL HAVE IT ALL CATERED!!!